How was your morning?

Mine went something like this:

5.30 - alarm goes off. Feel slightly resentful, pissed off and like I haven't had quite enough sleep. No change there then.

5.35 - Get up, stagger downstairs, poke fire and go to let the puppy out.
Puppy decides that outside is dark and scary and thus it would be better if I went with her. Put wellies and coat on over pyjamas and stagger outside.
Puppy decides that it is still too dark and scary to do a wee unless I take her for a walk up the garden.
I decide that I need tea in order to do this so we return to the house. Puppy promptly wees on the floor.

5.45 - Have shower and realise that I look somewhat raddled. Hastily apply a good dollop of Ultra Lifting Serum. Emerge from bathroom and find puppy has nearly chewed through the 5 litre box of red that is on the bottom shelf. Remove wine box, milk cartons and two bottles of washing up liquid that are also on the bottom shelf. Place out of puppy's reach. Wash hands and smear face and neck with Daily Smoothing and Firming Creme.

6 am - Begin attempting to wake children.

6.05 - Continue attempting to wake children.

6.10 - Repeat at five minute intervals.

6.20 - Shout at children.

6.25 - Hear scrabbling, discover puppy is digging up floor and has got as far as the insulation. Cover up all evidence with six pack of fizzy water and decide to face the wrath of Mr. H later.
Apply Brightening Eye Cream to bags under eyes.

6.40 - Referee at breakfast table. Children arguing over who gets last croissant. Croissants had been bought as a treat in an attempt to be Nice Mummy. Resolve not to do so again, shout at children and me it clear that I am Bad, Evil Mummy.

6.50 - Take puppy outside for another wee whilst simultaneously massaging Instant Miracle Day Cream into face and neck, before locking self in bathroom and attempting to blow dry hair. Emerge when I hear yelling and assume that the croissant debate has become physical. Discover that the yelling is being done by Mr. H who has found the puppy chewing on the water pipe. Hastily erect barricade involving two metal boxes and a gas bottle in front of water pipe before puppy can continue and flood the house.

7am - Realise that hair has been left damp for too long and I now look like a spaniel who has been in the river. Give up on hair and instead apply Detoxing Tinted Moisturiser. Find a random tube of  Calming and Soothing All Day Long cream. Am tempted to try it on toast.

7.05 - Yell at eldest and youngest children to put coats and shoes on.

7.10 - Leave house, insert children into car, collect neighbour's child, drop two off at the bus stop and take youngest to the garderie.

7.30 - Return home and mainline caffeine.

7.40 - Realise it is too wet for middle child to walk to bus stop so take her too.

7.45 - Go to work. Phew!